The Raccoon's Journey

Unmasking for a bit

“The freedom of being nobody.”- Ram Dass

Well, I did it! I finally put the platinum hair away. I UNMASKED.

I cannot believe that for almost a whole decade, I was able to maintain platinum blonde hair. I deserve an award for “Best Maintained Platinum Blonde ”or something! Jeez. You would not believe how thick I got my hair and how long too. Of course, having amazing hair colorists is a huge reason why. Thank you Liz Rhodes and Mareena Studniarz for your amazing work; They both really played a part in reviving my precious hair in between days of harsh heat, hairspray and brushing from being on set.

For those who don’t know me, I guess it would be important to inform you that I just made a big leap in my appearance. For those who do know me, I’m sure this seems unexpected!! I would love to share with everyone why I made this change.

Blonde hair has always been such a thing for me. Growing up, I had periods where my mom would accept my pleading to box dye my hair, just like her. I was probably nine or ten when we tried it out. She would tell me: “Don’t tell anyone at school it’s box dyed! Just say the sun highlighted your hair!”. At the time I didn’t know what the big deal was and was happy to lie about my hair. Yes, I loved a good fib as a kid. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little white lie here and there. Mischief can be fun, as long as it got me the attention I wanted. It really is no wonder I associate with foxes and raccoons so heavily. Anyways, now I see that box dying your hair is every hair dressers worst nightmare and I learned that one should be careful with what illusions they cast on the crowd-Because it will bite your ass in the end.

The mask you create may possess you if you do not tread carefully! You know the movie ‘The mask’, with Jim Carrey?

Yea, that was what I felt like with platinum blonde hair, at some point.

I mean..it’s quite a look. But that’s the point, it was just a look… that became my entire identity. There was a period as a teen where my hair wasn’t platinum. I wore my natural color for a bit…UNTIL I saw a picture of the Targaryens from ‘GOT’ when I was fifteen. In my mind, I thought “Oh this looks really cool!! I want to be a mysterious fantasy character!!”. Easy. Besides the fact I was an insecure teenager trying to find her place in life, this look was an innocent choice.

But then I went to New York and became a model. It was a no brainer to be a platinum blonde in this industry. The look WORKED..very very well. Up until recently, I have credited this “mask” for my material wins; This mask made me a very successful model and put a roof over my head; This mask turned my life around and freed me from poverty, and helped me be able to really feel like I found away to fit in to this very strange American lifestyle.

It is normal to adapt, especially if your physical appearance is getting your bills paid (?)

Like the raccoon, sometimes one has to wear the mask to play the game and gain their resources. But the raccoon also knows at some point, we can unveil ourselves when it is safe to do so. In some cultures, the raccoon acts as a guide in the Underworld. Usually they will appear when you’re doing shadow work on shadows created from feeling abandoned, unseen, or at risk of being harmed for being true to yourself. The raccoon knows that it is understandable to wear a mask at times, but they also teach us how to unmask our shadows and bring down the towers that once served as protection, once it is noticeable these towers have become a prison.

Another metaphor for this journey would be Rapunzel. Rapunzel is a girl whose worth was based on her long magical golden hair. Indeed, she was locked up in a tower for her hair, until some strange man freed her and unknowingly lead her on a path of redetermining how she sees herself.

(At least that’s how it goes in the latest Disney version…)

This look, that I adored, became something that the hurting parts of my being began holding me hostage with. But not only did I get trapped by my own self, the shadows of other people got me good. I was at the hands of the unconscious-insatiable desires of man more times than I can count, simply because I fit the bomb shell narrative. I mean look at stories of women like: Marilyn Monroe, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, and Pamela Anderson; These are all women that put on the mask and could not take it off. The shadows of human kind trapped them behind the facade and they suffered silently for this magic show. I have spent a lot of time internalizing these stories and finding parallels in my reality. This was a deep..deep..realization for me. I’m lucky to have avoided the highest level of that facade so publicly, unlike these examples, but still, I know what it is to be a woman behind the mask. I know what it feels like to be objectified, to be presumed mindless, and expected to be this hyper sexual fantasy. Of course, that can be a bigger issue beyond my hair color, but the hair has played a huge supporting role in exposing this truth to me. All of this mayhem for simply deciding I wanted to have blonde hair, like my mom or like Khaleesi from ‘GOT’.

I laugh, honestly.

Don’t get me wrong either, I love the look. Maybe one day I’ll return to platinum or maybe I’ll just get a wig if I need one for a shoot. I will always love this version of me, but for now I really want to go on the journey into the unknown with my new hairstyle. It’s for the best.

Ultimately, this change is a spiritual choice. This is a path towards a deeper love for myself, one where I relearn how to feel safe again, unmasked. This path is already teaching me how to accept that none of this identity chatter, us humans get caught up in, really matters. It’s only fun and games and should remain that way. The childlike wonder should never be taken out of the equation or harmed when one wishes to play with their identity in any capacity.

Hopefully, me sharing this can lead us to reflect on how much we expect from each other and from ourselves. There are wars of all kinds being waged on the human spirit, just for how one wishes to express in the physical plane. We have to speak up and really start creating safe spaces for people to be authentically them. We need to allow for experimenting and we need to cheer each other on when we want to make a change. It’s okay to try something new, as long as you’re making this change for you, from your heart! No one should feel as if they are trapped in a mind prison just because the world demands that of them. We all deserve to feel safe to be ourselves.

When the world becomes too much to bare and you catch yourself performing on that silly ole’ stage Iv’e mentioned before, remember there is always the choice to become nobody.

The simple journey of becoming nobody…

Ah yes.. that sounds nice right now.

Well then…

I will go on becoming nobody and at the same time I will become everybody. Yes, I will do it all. I will stand in my truth and be as dramatic or as aloof as I wish!

Sincerely,

Kyrsten Sinclair

Illusionist/ Raccoon Enthusiast/ Green Mother